Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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