I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
