Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
