Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
