if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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