No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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