I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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