they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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