my mouth tastes like poor choices
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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