Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize