Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
