I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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