I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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