Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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