just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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