There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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