so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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