Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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