Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
