Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
