I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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