Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize