Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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