Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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