we have officially lost it.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
