i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
