It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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