I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
