Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize