Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
