either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i need an iv and a liver transplant
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
