1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize