how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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