I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
