so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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