Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We have so much sex to catch up on
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
