I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
