I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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