Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
