I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't deserve a penis
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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