is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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