I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
