Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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