I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
