Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
