are you still at the devil's house?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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