Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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