I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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