I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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