Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
