Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
