i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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