And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
