I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
