i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
