I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
