Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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