he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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