Your mouth is God's brothel.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
