i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
