i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
