We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
