Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
